Battles

The 4th & 5th grade class:

Does everyone remember our new game, 'Three Strikes, Go Out'? (The "go out" part meaning 5 minutes in the hallway). Jason's hand goes up. Yes, Jason? 

Teacher, this is not a game.
Sure it is.
I don't like this! It's not a game.
It's a game. If you get zero strikes, you're the winner. If you get three strikes, I'm the winner.
It's not a game because it's not fun.
I'm having fun.
Teacheeeeeer. It is NOT fun for kids and I don't like this game!
Did you just say, "Teacher, give me a strike, please"?
After a loud harrumph, Jason listened for the rest of the class. Most effective "game" ever.

The 2nd grade class:

Tony forgot his book for the third week in a row and wouldn't go to the teacher's room for a copy because he knew his homeroom teacher would punish him. After we finally obtained the copy, it became known that Tony didn't have a pencil for what must have been the eighth week in a row. He announced that he didn't have a pencil with a huge, triumphant, beaming grin that he swept around the classroom before finally resting it on me. I didn't smile back; I suppressed an eye-twitch and told him to stand in the corner until I could find a pencil, because there were no spare pencils in the classroom. He continued grinning and told me no. I said yes. The grin started to fade and he said no. I said YES. He started puking. I started heaving. The class went wild and dissolved into screams. There was a clear winner. It wasn't me.